I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
