so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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