my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
