The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
