nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
