Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
