Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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