2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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