I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize