Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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