DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
