I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
