I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
