I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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