Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
