btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
