Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
