Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
