can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
