Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Every concussion has its silver lining
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
