i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
