yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
