The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
