Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
