i was born a porn star she said
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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