i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
