I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
