every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
