You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
