haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
