You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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