overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
