Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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