I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
