For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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