You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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