two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
