What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
