You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
