we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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