.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
