I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
