i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize