He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
