Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
