She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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