I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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