Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
