I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
