I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
