i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
