She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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