Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
