k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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