What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize