About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
