drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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