Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
