I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
