i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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