ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize