I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
