when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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