found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
