Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
