Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
