So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize