She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
