I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
