Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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