he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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