shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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