Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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