Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
