anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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