well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
