No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
