I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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