and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
