Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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