I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
