i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
