ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
