was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
