party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
