she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
that may or may not have been my penis.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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