just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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