We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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