Non-Jews are for practice
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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