Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
