i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
