The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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