good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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