You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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